I miss you Dad - Merry Christmas

This is the first Christmas in a very long time that my family will not be meeting at Dad's house on Christmas eve. I miss him very much!

Merry Christmas Mom, Mick, Phil, Anne, and Chris - we will miss seeing you!

I am not going to stay in NY for Christmas - Ava is at her Dad's and I have too many other memories I would rather not spend time dwelling on. Fran and I are driving to Boston today and we will be there through Saturday. Merry Christmas!

It has been a Year... and what a decade.

Wow - it is hard to believe that it has been a year... December 17th last year I closed on my house in my new town and my separation papers were "officially" filed. I also realized that one of the first major tasks of my new job would be to lay off people just after the holiday (six weeks after starting my job)... I look back on last year and think about how fast I was moving, how long each day was, and how I could barely imagine making it to the next day - let alone to where I am today. I remember staying awake all weekend the first weekend I moved into the house so that while Ava was at her Dad's I could get as much as possible unpacked - including our Christmas tree. When she returned on Sunday night I was exhausted - but we had comfortable bed rooms, a living room decorated for Christmas, and kitchen to cook cookies in. Mother Theresa said that God will never give us more than we can handle. I was not sure that was true a year ago but now I know it is. The last year had some major ups and downs, but all in all I feel good to be where I am today. I truly believe that I am a better person for all that I have experienced - good and bad and I am lucky to have met all the people that have come into and left my life.

On face book there is a thing going around where people quickly make an outline the last decade - So I thought I would do it here instead:

2000 - Passed doctoral comps, moved from Mass. back to NY, bought a house, married Kurt, took job at Cornell University
2001 - Adopted Xena dog
2002 - Took job at SUNY Cortland, adopted Topi dog
2003 - Lots of fertility stuff, trip to Portland and Atlanta
2004 - Realized Kurt & I could not have children, Grandma Nowak died, defended dissertation
2005 - BC commencement, my brother Danny died, trip to Las Vegas & Grand Canyon, 20 year high school reunion
2006 - Took job at Ithaca College, Ava born, adoption process became real - saw Ava's pictures
2007 - Received Ava in Vietnam and became a mom
2008 - My brother in-law Steve died, Kurt had a change of heart, sold house, filed for separation, took job at Hartwick, moved to Oneonta, bought a house
2009 - Met Fran, Dad Phil died, Ava started pre-school, surgery

I am looking forward to 2010 and the next decade!

November - Thank you

November started out rocky... I had the flu and just as I was feeling like I could return to work - Ava got the flu. So, The first two weeks of November flu bye... Add that to being off the second half of October for my surgery and I had to spend the rest of the month playing catch up at work and at home.

I love Thanksgiving and I had a very nice holiday weekend. We were in Boston at Fran's Dads on Thursday and Friday. Dinner was great and it was nice to learn more about Fran's family.

Fran's cousin's daughter with Fran and Ava.

Ava likes staying at "Franny's Daddy's" house because we sleep in a great big bed - she likes to lay "in the crack" and put her feet down the middle when watching her DVD player.

She was very good on the ride "both ways" thanks to that little DVD device. I am not sure what parents did about long car rides before DVD players and Disney movies. But, the DVD could not save Fran from an entire container of spilled chocolate milk in his lap at our rest stop dinner... He was a real trooper. On Friday, I woke up to Ava singing happy birthday to mommy, we went to Quincy Market for lunch, and then to a Boston Bruins game. We were in the family section so there were lots of kids. Very early in the game we were on the jumbo TV in the middle of the stadium - that was pretty cool. Ava slept through the second period - which is amazing because it was soooo loud.

For dinner we went to a cool restaurant with Fran's Dad, sister and her husband, his niece and her fiance then we headed home - Fran drove, I slept and Ava watched her DVDs.

On Saturday we celebrated my birthday again at home. Fran made a great dinner and he and Ava gave me cards and a gift certificate to a pottery making place. I started decorating the house with Christmas stuff and continued with that project on Sunday. As of today - the lights are on in the front yard - reindeer and all, the tree and other decorations are up, and I ordered the picture Christmas card so that I can mail them next weekend.

November memories - Ava's tantrum in the grocery store over my decision not to by myself a birthday card - bloody nose and pee in the car seat to boot. Mommy and Ava reading to each other when we were both sick and just laying on the couch cuddling. Right now she is correcting a lot of people when they do things out of step - "bad boy", "you don't like me" when she is corrected, she has a strong opinion about not wanting to wear shirts with buttons and is very particular about colors, she is becoming masterful at asking for candy every time she does anything that might deserve recognition, she is almost potty trained, for a day or so she called herself Rainbow and Fran "your heiness" and insisted that all others do so as well. She loves playing with books and the barbie like dolls my sister gave to her from MacKenzie. She did a wonderful job decorating her section of the Christmas tree and enjoys playing all the musical Christmas things at once. Now that it gets dark at 5:00 - she is very confused about when to go to bed and gauges it on TV shows. She gives the greatest hugs and sweetest kisses.

October - where did it go???

Well - Another month that did not go as planned... but still better than last year.

The first half of the month was very busy at work and Ava spent the some extra time with her Dad. At work we had a Board of Trustees meeting, then Homecoming and Reunion Weekend, Family Weekend and an Admissions Visit Day. All events were successful and we had great fall weather to share with all of the visitors to campus.

Ava, Fran and I went to Fly Creek Cider Mill for a beautiful fall day and enjoyed attending several games (football, field hockey, soccer, volleyball).

I had my appendix out on October 15th and the rest of the month was pretty much a blur. Mom and Fran were very helpful and Ava was great! I learned quickly that I have made several good friends here and I am feeling more comfortable in this community than I had realized prior to the operation. I can now tell parents at the college first hand that we have a great hospital in town...

For Halloween Ava wanted to be a fairy princess. The College had a children's Halloween party mid-week and the town has a parade that we attended on Saturday. Then one of her pre-school class mate's family had a party. It was a very busy and fun week - A big thanks to Fran who spent a lot of time carrying Ava around in the rain and re-attaching her very special fairy wings.

The moments that take your breath away...

Do you know the saying that "Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take but by the number of moments that take your breath away."?

Well - Ava has provided me with many of those moments.

One moment in particular was October 27, 2006 - the day we received our adoption referral which included the first picture I would see of my daughter (see above). I fell in love instantly and my life changed forever! What an amazing and scary day. The adoption agency gave me pictures of this little 2 month old baby who was half way around the world with a medical history that indicated she needed my help. They encourage me to share the information with an international pediatrician that specializes in adoption and then I had a short period to determine if she was the child I wanted to adopt. One look, one realization that this is the child was matched with me from way over in Vietnam, one thought about how awesome this was, and there was no question - she was my daughter. And, forever she would be MY little "sparking wolf".

Today, October 27, 2009, we were at the doctor for a flu shot - she is 35.5 inches tall and 25.5 lbs. The doctors visit took about two and a half hours and for a short time I was a bit aggravated with how long it was taking, but then it struck me that three years ago today I met the little miracle that I have the honor of raising as my daughter. I am a very lucky mommy! She asked me to read almost 10 books to her while we waited. We played the "do you see a..."game and sang. She surprised me when she knew the fish in the water was a dolphin not just a fish. She also knew the difference between a row boat, ship, and sailboat on the mural in the room. After the doctor left the room she used a tongue depressor to listen to my heart, lungs and back then she looked very carefully in my ears, eyes and mouth. After she was done she said - "Look mommy I can take care of you like you take care of me. I love you", then patted my shoulder as we hugged. This all happened before she received the shot. After the shot, I was holding her while she cried and she said "thank you for taking care of me, mommy". I love being her mom and I am still in awe of all that happened to give me this opportunity.

Also - today I learned my friend Christine and her husbanded landed safely in Russia where they are picking up their two little boys and bringing them home - Congrats. And, my friend Brandon and his partner are adopting a little girl who was born last night here in the US. Adoption is such an amazing experience and it is wonderful to know that my friends will be able to experience the joys that I have with Ava. Thank you Lord!

September - I worked too much...

September to mid-October are always very busy in my field - but this year was particularly busy balancing being a single mom of a three year old and experiencing my first fall at Hartwick. Ava spent about 10 days of the month with her Dad. It is good that she is spending extra time with him, but it is always a struggle to get her back into her routine the next couple of days.

One weekend I went to Caz to see my mom and take care of some Dad and Dan business and another weekend I went to visit my friends Abby, Bryan and their boys. It was fun to watch Ava just fall into her old routine with their boys - it was like we still lived down the street. There are definitely days when I wish I lived a lot closer to many of my friends in Cortland.

Xena (the dog that Ava's Dad Kept) came out for the weekend while he was away. Her hips are not good, so he/I wanted to spend some time with her. It is hard for me to see her age... She has always been full of it and now she needs to limit her movement - scary!

I was actually busy enough that I did not take any pictures this month... sorry.

Cool Ava things - Ava talks about the College mascot "Swoop" all the time but right now she is a bit afraid of him. She enjoys going to games with me (thank goodness because we go to a lot) and running around the fields/courts. Dochio is now officially Ponochio, but Dora is still Dorla. Her favorite movies are Shrek and Ice Age. She loves to read and will even go off to read by herself. I read one book to her about two times and then I heard her "reading" the story to her stuffed hippo "Gloria". Ava must take Gloria everywhere. As a matter of fact, I went out and purchased a second one because she disappeared for about 48 hours and Ava had quite a melt down. She likes to pick out her own clothes and PJs and generally I give in. Really - I put a few choices in front of her - we will see how soon she figures that out. I wish I could make the sippy cup go away but we have a few habits - drinking milk in the morning while watching TV in mommy's bed while mommy gets ready for work and in the car - and she is just not good enough with a straw cup yet... Potty training is spotty. There are times when she makes it her goal to see the pull-up turn colors (it does that when she goes pee in it). I can't decided if pull ups are a good thing or not. I wish I could find the perfect stool and potty seat - she is sooo tiny and getting up to the potty is still a bit of a hassle for her... Right now she is 35 inches all and 25 pounds.

August - Ava is 3

We started out with all three of us getting the flu. First Ava, then Fran and last but not least mom... We went with Fran and his nephew to a county fair and we attended our first demolition derby.

She rode on the marry-go-round about 10 times.

We also went to the Saratoga Race Track for the first time. Fran worked there as a teenager so we got the insider's tour.

I took a week of vacation, so Ava, Fran and I went to Boston for the first half of the week. While there we went to the Science Museum, Aquarium, and a Red Sox game.

We also had another birthday party at Fran's nieces house. I can't believe she is 3 - time has gone by soooo quickly!

Ava went to her Dad's the second half of the week so Fran and I went to Mystic, CT and Block Island, RI. If you ever want to go on a nice, relaxing vacation - check out that location! Ava started pre-school (in the same building as her daycare) so we had a big room change to the 2nd floor and the big kids play ground. She adjusted quickly to the change - mom misses waving to her through the window on the way back out to the car (no window facing the parking lot in her new room)...

Her new favorite movies - Ice Age 2, Tinkerbell and Shrek 1 & 2. Thanks to the car ride to and from Boston... She picked up the word "FINE" with a negative little smirk from somewhere - so when I ask her to do something she does not want to - "Fine Mom"... She has gotten very good at doing more complicated puzzles - it amazes me. She is still wearing size 2 (at most) clothes. She is 35 inches tall and 25 pounds. She wears size 5 1/2 shoes. Potty training has not gone well - instead of not wanting to see the "blue" that happens when she pees in the pull ups - she makes it her mission. So, she does not wear her big girl undies very often. Her favorite color is pink and orange. She likes to draw with chalk and play with stickers. She is still a Dora and Diego fan, but other cool things creep in for short periods of time. She is a little chatter box and definitely knows what she does not want to eat. Most foods need to include cheese to meet her standards. And, to top all that off - she has several boyfriends... at least that is what the boys are telling their moms.

July - busy girls

So - I am not sure where July went... Water, water, water!

For July 4th we went to my sister Anne's and Ava had a great time playing with her cousin MacKenzie and friends in her pool. When we drove from Syracuse past Cortland I really missed my friends and the sense of normal that I used to have in Cortland - sometimes I can't believe that I don't live there anymore. We had a lot of fun at the fireworks in Oneonta. These were Ava's first fireworks - she had me hold my hands over her ears but she loved all the colors and talks about them all the time.

Ava spent a lot of time with her dad - unfortunately he has more time on his hands (not of his choosing...) but the good news is that she gets to spend more time in Cortland with her father. We celebrated two years since her US adoption on July 5th. My friend Laurie M. had a baby shower - I helped plan the games - it was great to see her and I am looking forward to meeting baby Munley in the fall. Fran was a super boyfriend and took me to see the NYC ballet at SPAC - it was amazing and an absolutely perfect day! My brother Phil and his family came to visit then my niece, Jackie stayed for the week. She attended field hockey camp at Hartwick. Ava and I drove to Yorktown Heights & Scarsdale to see my Aunts, Uncles and cousins. While we where there, they threw a surprise birthday party for Ava - it was really nice of them and great to see Ava play with her two 2nd cousins that are a little bit younger then her. To end the month, Fran I went back up to SPAC to see Cold Play - another great night with a wonderful man. I am very fortunate to have met him. Ava and Topi (my dog) loves that he takes them to the park and on walks almost every night - the walks usually include a pit stop at Friendly's... So - mommy really likes to go also.

Hey Carol - this is still Ava's favorite dress. Look she is potty training. Corn - I love corn! The first of many birthday parties - and by the way - her name is now "Ava the Princess".

Great Uncle John and Ava... I used to love sitting in his lap reading too.

June - Busier than I thought we would be...

June was a much busier month than I anticipated! At work we held new student orientation, the Athletic Hall of Fame, the Citizen's Gala, and an Institutional Advancement event in my home town - Cazenovia... They were all great events but time flew right by. We also had a party for Fran, Larry and Matt - all are leaving Hartwick by the end of the summer (or changing divisions). Ava and I attended Jake Bicknell's graduation party - I can't believe my best friend from high school has a son going to college - Am I really that old? The Palmeri's and Grammy came out for the Merideth Dairy Festival and Fran and I took Ava to a "Big Truck" event at Fly Creek. For Father's day, Ava was with her dad - so I went to Boston with Fran and spent the weekend with his family. We also went to see Eddie Vetter in Albany in early June. In addition to all the events I had a pretty solid case of laryngitis... which made public speaking a bit of a chore.

Ava's favorite DVD is Ice Age, she discovered that she loves chocolate milk shakes, and prefers "comfy shorts" - no buttons allowed and especially not denim. Mom's favorite word - lellow for yellow. Ava loves to dance...

O.K. now I will take a nap...